Do you vote in political elections?
We’ve got a Normal Election within the UK, someday this 12 months. Or perhaps early subsequent 12 months. No person actually is aware of. The federal government appear to be ready for a time when the general public begin liking them and … effectively … they’re nonetheless ready.
I’ve typically stated that the nation could be higher off run by cats. Sure, I do know that they’re full scoundrels. However we’re dominated by them anyway, albeit particular person ones quite than one foremost one, so wouldn’t it make quite a lot of distinction?
Regardless that he’s already a king, Louis Catorze thinks he would make a fantastic Premier Ministre. Right here is only a small part of his manifesto, which is topic to alter on an ongoing foundation:
⁃ Defence: all cats shall have the suitable to defend their territory from impinging beasts, but additionally reserve the suitable to wander wherever they need.
⁃ Border management: see “Defence”.
⁃ Well being: all cats shall obtain the perfect personal healthcare, and cash shall be no object. In the meantime, even when a human is bleeding from the eyeballs, they shall not be capable to e-book a medical appointment for a minimum of a month (and, on the day of the appointment, the bleeding shall cease). Parkour at 3am shall turn into obligatory.
⁃ Tax and spending: all people shall be taxed for the privilege of housing a cat, within the type of fee for the perfect medical care, the best meals and high-end feline equipment. The extra quite a few the cats, the higher the tax. And the extra silly the human, the higher the tax.
⁃ Training: all cats shall use thoughts management, creepy staring and emotional blackmail to instruct people. If this fails, it’s the human’s fault and the cat reserves the suitable to resort to bodily means.
⁃ Policing and crime: it shall be in opposition to the regulation to fail to offer a cat what they need, and cats shall deploy sanctions as and after they see match. See “Training”.
⁃ Setting: all cats shall preserve their territory in immaculate situation by pooping in different individuals’s.
⁃ Pensions and welfare: as a cat ages, they shall have the suitable to extend taxes indefinitely and with out prior discover, and people shall be chargeable for this no matter their very own monetary scenario. See “Tax and spending”.
⁃ Power: all cats shall expend web zero in the course of the day, however go completely stark raving mad at evening. See “Well being”.
Would you vote for Catorze? In the event you’re already doing any of the above for a feline overlord, you actually wouldn’t be worse off below a Catorzian authorities …
PS Any vote for the opposition, and any abstention from voting, can be considered a vote in favour of Catorze.
